Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Golden Calf Returns!

Hello Darlings!

The image above has resulted in nonstop celebration in Hell. Well, “celebration” in as much as it is possible down here. Parties mostly consist of drinking Schlitz malt liquor and hitting manure covered golf balls at one another’s heads. The One We Do Not Name never lets us get away with having too much fun, and he confiscated all the good beer eons ago. But I digress.

That Christians are praying to a capitalist idol is quite the personal victory. It took me centuries to convince Satan that a syncretism between Christianity and capitalism is far more valuable than such prosaic efforts as demonic possession, famine, disease, war, and the occult. This little worship service to the new and improved Golden Calf should leave no doubt in his jealous little mind. Evangelical Christianity has become synonymous with free market capitalism, and the amassing of individual wealth has taken on the quality of a religious calling. I am so bloody clever.

I regret that I am unable to update this forum with more regularity. I am spending most of my time trying to transform the idiots at the Burnside Writer’s Collective into something useful. They’re droll and frumpy, but they have shown me possibilities for the Emergent Church I had not hitherto imagined. If you find yourself pining for me here, just visit the Burnside blog and revel in the reading of my precocious musings. I’ll return here when I please. Until then, my darling beauties, I remain . . .

Your friend until The End,